Human Nature

It is of my nature to interpret things as being my fault.  I think this is where I have been conditioned over a lifetime of blame.

Every family needs a scapegoat, and somehow I have become such.

This makes me incredibly sad.  I was looking for a different word, but sad describes it.

I interpret rejection as a flaw in myself.

I'm not sure when I came to view myself as fundamentally unworthy of love, but that is where I am.

Then I get angry.  Angry because nobody likes the needy girl who is so desperate for love that she will tolerate anything for just a little affection.

I do have some pride left.

I've learned to love myself.  Being alone is much more tolerable than the crumbs of affection that are being thrown at me in the guise of love.

Love is not controlling, or possessive or any of that.  I think most people don't know what love is.  I don't know what love feels like either.  Every now and then I get a glimpse, a glimmer, but then human nature asserts itself once again.

I've come to be acceptant that.  My cat loves me.  That, for now, is enough.




Comments

  1. Misadventure In BloggingJuly 11, 2017 at 10:30 PM

    Although I don't know much about you, I believe you deserve to be loved. If you're feeling unloved, then you're probably right in what you've posted before...it's time for a change.

    ReplyDelete

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