Restroom Revelations

This is the first cat we got after moving here.  We named him Felix, but as you can see, we mis-named him.  He should have been named Toothless, for the dragon in How to Train Your Dragon. He's pretty much the friendliest cat in the world.  When people come to visit, he sleeps with them.  I haven't had anyone complain yet.  He's polite.  Sometimes he just gets in your suitcase for the duration of your visit. He comes running when he's called.  When he was younger, I'd go on the back porch and holler real loud until my voice bounced off the trees, and he would come tearing out of the woods and run through the pasture all the way to my feet. When he was a kitten, he made friends with the neighbors brindle colored great dane.  I'd look out the window, and there would be this tiny kitten chasing this huge dog.  It was a joy to watch, honestly.  They were fast friends. Unbeknownst to me, Kool-Aid was supposed to be a working d...

I should keep a dream journal.  My dreams lately have been extremely vivid.  I'm not sure how to account for that, but I'll roll with it. Dream interpretation has never been a gift of mine, but I had one so bizarre, I have to record it. I was on a city street with someone close to me.  I cannot remember who it was, but their presence was familiar. In the sky, lit up beautifully and large, was Saturn with the rings in all their glory.  It was glowing,  (It could be I've seen a picture recently or something) and the rings were sparkly with stars. I was walking along having a discussion with whomever was there, finger outstretched, pointing at the beauty, and marveling at the wonder. Then, out of the blue it fell to earth, bouncing along the streets causing chaos as people screamed and ran. I ran too, but it followed me and kept bouncing and kept bouncing, getting smaller and more diminished with every bounce, until it landed at my feet, a gray round ba...

I think I was sixteen years old or so when I realized that people sucked. I couldn't wait to grow up and be an adult because I mistakenly believed that adults didn't play childish games. I was wrong.  They merely get better at it. I remain naïve and hopeful, personally.  It's my greatest tragedy and my greatest beauty.  Here's the dirty little secret.  I have no faith in people's words anymore.  I don't believe you when you say you love me.  It's easier that way. When I was 22 I fell in love with a man.  I loved him with every fiber of my being.  We lived together for eight months.  I took care of his child like he was my own. Then one day I came home and he was gone.  It didn't appear that way at first glance, the rum was still there, the pile of clothes in his chair, but he was gone. No explanation, no nothing.  As if that time had not existed at all.  Turns out he was engaged to someone else the whole time....

I think that the cruelest thing that you can do to a person is to render them invisible. Imagine this.  A person invites themselves into your life and makes you laugh. They spend inordinate amounts of time pursuing a relationship with you. They say all the right things.  They make you feel loved, at the very least. They put real effort into building a friendship.  They make promises, declarations of intent, and reassurances. They confide in you, give you gifts and glimpses into their soul. Then one day, they are done.  They refuse to acknowledge your presence, or return your calls or texts.  They simply ignore you. No explanations, no anything.  It becomes as if you never existed.  They make you invisible.  With that invisibility, you begin to question everything that came before.  You begin to question your own worth and value.  Sometimes. Sometimes you've had it happen before, so you recognize it for what it i...

I saw a thing that said animals can be transgender, too.  Someone just shoot me, please. It did remind me of a funny incident that happened not too long ago.  I think my daughter is still mad at me for this one. She adopted a cat from the neighbors next door. A cute little black cat she named Luna.  It was very small, but they told her it was a girl. One day when she was visiting, I was watching the cat play, and couldn't help but giggle. I turned to my husband and said, "Gee, I wonder when she's going to notice that the cat is a boy?" About 2 months later, I get this indignant phone call.  She took the cat in to be spayed, and they called to inform her that they neutered him instead. Boy howdy was she pissed. It was totally worth it.

Introducing Fred and Wilma.  Fred is the white one.  These are my big babies.  They are Anatolian Pyrenees, and they really are big babies. They are a rescue of a rescue, in a manner of speaking.  Their momma was a rescue who was emaciated when she was adopted.  Her rescuer was oh so happy when she started gaining weight. One night, two weeks or so after he got her, as he was trying to sleep, she kept nosing him (it's a breed trait) and wouldn't let him sleep. That's when he realized she was in labor!  She had 5 fat puppies, but now he had 6 dogs and not nearly enough room for them all. It has been my experience in life that in order to have a harmonious house, there must be someone for everyone.  Which is why we went ahead and had that sixth kid, haha! It seemed kind of mean to take one puppy away from the family it had been with since conception, so we took 2. I have never regretted that decision either.  These two are a bonded ...

When love is used as a weapon of any kind, can it be called love? When it is withheld and used as a form of reward/punishment for compliance, that is not loving.  That is manipulation. You will do this because I love you is the cruelest burden you can lay upon a person.  It implies you owe them because they love you. Love is a gift to be given freely.  When love becomes dependent upon what the other person does or does not do, then it isn't love at all.  It is a form of possession.  People cannot be possessed. What if you think the person you love is engaging in self-destructive behavior?  Does that give you the right to demand that they comply with your wishes?   I always go by the adage "if it's not hurting me, then I let them be."  What if they claim that you ARE hurting them by exercising your free will to live your life as you choose? I posit then, that is their problem.  What if you have to choose between your l...

Typically, Monday is a happy day for me. Most people dread Mondays, and I can get that, what with the cutthroat world of business and all. For me, Monday was the first day of peace and quiet, and I treasured it. Looking back, I have no idea how I survived having 6 kids.  I am a quiet, introspective person by nature.  A thinker. Those years of constant turmoil, drama, and endless chaos, were hell for me. While the empty nest has been a bit of an adjustment, I find myself dreading those inevitable family get-togethers where everyone is present.  There are just too many people. Don't get me wrong, I do like people.  I just don't like a bunch of people at the same time.  I am more of a one on one kind of people person. Crowds quite simply stress me out, even if I do love all 25 of ya. My Mondays now consist of doing whatever it is that I want or don't want to do.  Life is good like that.

This one is my soul cat.  She is supposed to belong to my son, but all parents know what happens to the animals when the kids move out.  What was theirs, is now yours.  If only it worked that way with their video games. I think this one has always owned me, though.  When I went to the shelter to check the cats out, there were a bunch of little kittens running around on the floor.  I couldn't get the attention of any of them. This one here was the only little baby in a cage.  And boy did she try and get my attention.  She mewed and mewed, stretched up in the cage and tried to get to me.  I stuck my finger in the cage, and she rubbed on me and was mewing up a storm.  It was love at first sight. I looked at the attendant and said, "I think she's picking me."  He had this grin on his face that I didn't quite understand.  It wasn't a grin of agreement, it was more like "you poor sucker". Little did I know what I was getting m...

Occasionally, you cross paths with someone in life whom you have respect, but as time goes on, you become friends. Such is the case with me and Yabu.  Our initial meeting was at a blog meet in Helen about 7 years ago. He actually had two blogs that I liked and bookmarked. One of those blogs, however, was written by a ghost writer, unbeknownst to me at the time. At that initial meeting, he had a twinkle in his eye, and introduced himself. "Hi, I'm Sam. AKA Yabu." He was a small guy; that surprised me. Like many small people though, he was larger than life. For my part, I was extremely grateful that he didn't perpetuate the misconception that the ghost writer stories were real. They had a very real feel to them, all the more testament to the actual author. For his part, he expressed admiration that I was in the process of getting my teeth fixed. As I got to know him, I learned that this particular subject was extremely important to him. I often heard him express frust...

"Let's go get a steak," he said. "You're crazy," she responded with a touch of horror in her voice. "Seriously! I really need a steak.  The food is horrible here." He then gave her the most lugubrious look he could muster, almost achieving puppy dog eyes. She sighed. "Fine.  I'll go get the car." They were newlyweds still and she hadn't the heart to say no to his every want. The lights were glaring, as hospital lights always are, especially at night. He had just had a total hip replacement two days earlier.  But, if he wanted a steak, a steak he shall have. She was a bundle of anxiety as she helped him into the van.  Never before had it seemed so tall. This was a bad idea and she fully knew it. Once she had him buckled in, off they went in search of a steakhouse. Who knew there wasn't a single steakhouse in the region.  That did baffle her a bit. After an hour and a half or so of driving, they went thro...

It was one of those perfect summer days.  A day where you can see the heat shimmer off the pavement by 8 am. Her mother was a firm believer in free range children, so by 8:30 she found herself outside with the whole day before her. She was happy in the carefree way only children can be. Donut in hand, she stood in the front yard contemplating the shenanigans of the day. Playing is serious work for children. As she was scanning the field behind the house for the playmates that were usually out at this time of morning also, she saw instead a dog. He was golden haired and he glinted red in the sun.  He sat down before her and gazed quietly. She did the thing that comes so natural to children.  She shared her donut with him. They were fast friends just like that. The rest of the summer passed in a blur.  Every day when she woke up, there would be the dog.  Her parents said she couldn't keep him, but she couldn't run him off and they let it be. They...

It is a common human experience to have a period of time where you have to give everything you ever believed a new look. Some people believe that this signifies madness, insanity, or a mid-life crisis.  Many labels are attributed to this. What if it is completely normal to do this?  What if it's not a crisis... but an awakening instead? Perhaps the crisis is for those who are uncomfortable with the idea of you stepping out of your accepted pigeonhole.  Or perhaps the questions make them uncomfortable because change means a loss to some. What I wonder is, though this is a common human experience, what is the trigger for others?  Is it a thing that is triggered?  Or is it merely part of the aging process?

This is our life. It's not what I envisioned. Time for a new vision. I'm going to bed.

Sometimes you have to look at your life and say...this is my life.  This is what it is. All the hopes, dreams and desires...all the things you thought it would be...are not it. It is what it is. So many people can't just see what is.  They are caught up in what they wanted it to be. You can't get stuck like that and call yourself alive or living any kind of life. I think the hardest thing to do for most people is to look at things and say...It is what it is. Guess what?  If you aren't living life as you envisioned it..then create a new vision.

Sunsets are inspiring sometimes.  I like to sit in the quiet and reflect on things.  For so many years, life was busy all the time busy.  No time to stop and enjoy the sunsets. I rarely missed a sunrise in those days, though, and those are special too.  They signify the beginnings of things. Beginnings are always great.  Spring has always been my favorite time of year. Now that I am a little older, though, I can appreciate some endings.  There are things I've learned to like about winter.  Sunsets are definitely beautiful. I find it is more important to appreciate the moment, the right now. Today has been life interruptus, and my hiatus from the world comes to a forcible end.  Hopefully, it's only temporary, but sometimes people have a claim on you and your time. I'm not really sure how I feel about that.  I have talked about all of us having this one life to live for a while now, and not being obligated to other people yet ...

I have this love/hate thing for people. Recently, I decided to take a hiatus from people.  It has been two weeks and one day.  So far, I am not bored.  Nor am I ready to deal with people again. It was my previous theory that in order to write, one must get out and do things to write about. Perhaps, when one has no outside influences, then the imagination can take over and create new things. We shall see.  Right now, I am working on re-establishing the discipline.  Writing is work, no doubt about it.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. Another definition of that is "in a rut".  It happens to the best of us.  Life gets monotonous, boring. Most of the time it's depression.  And that particular condition is insidious by nature I think.  It's a thing that makes you overthink every. single. thing. When I feel it too strongly, my nature is to change my environment as part of a shock therapy.  Get a brand new opinion, take a road trip. Some people let it paralyze them.  I think we are all guilty of that at times, even. When the tidal wave threatens to overwhelm and drown you, maybe, just maybe you should get out of the water. Life changes are hard to make no matter how small the change it seems.  I'm learning that the key to it all is baby steps. That and always always take the risk.  That is an intrinsic part of me that will never cease and a great comfort in the knowing. ...

Star Spangled Banner  video here to watch for Independence Day. Happy 4th, y'all.  I will be boycotting the fireworks with the puppies this evening.  We don't really care for the boom boom stuff. So, it will be me, my puppies, a movie, and an ice cold beer as a celebration of our freedom.  May you celebrate in whatever way you deem appropriate.  Rock on!

It is of my nature to interpret things as being my fault.  I think this is where I have been conditioned over a lifetime of blame. Every family needs a scapegoat, and somehow I have become such. This makes me incredibly sad.  I was looking for a different word, but sad describes it. I interpret rejection as a flaw in myself. I'm not sure when I came to view myself as fundamentally unworthy of love, but that is where I am. Then I get angry.  Angry because nobody likes the needy girl who is so desperate for love that she will tolerate anything for just a little affection. I do have some pride left. I've learned to love myself.  Being alone is much more tolerable than the crumbs of affection that are being thrown at me in the guise of love. Love is not controlling, or possessive or any of that.  I think most people don't know what love is.  I don't know what love feels like either.  Every now and then I get a glimpse, a glimmer, but then h...